Climbing Mountains

Choices, throughout our life we have plenty of opportunities to make them. Some big, some small, either way, they all have an effect on the way we experience life. Have you ever felt like you were standing on the top of Mt. Everest, too terrified to move, but knowing that someway, somehow you needed to get back down to sea level? Which routes are available? Which route will you choose?

If you ever find yourself there, you may notice the marker I left to stake my claim. I've also been to Mount Olympus, Mount Fuji and K2. All at the top, wondering how in the heck I am going to get down back to safety. What route do I choose? Oh, did I mention I am afraid of heights?

Type A individuals are described as "outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management". AKA planners. For those of you that have known me for sometime, know how much of a planner I am. Phone calls I need to make, errands that need run, plans for after work (except dinner, ha!), and weekends for the next month, were all identified before I left the house most mornings. I had a 6 month plan for my 5 year plan, and a 5 year plan for my 10 year plan. Every choice I made, I was aware of the consequences and outcomes. I was a rigid, ambitious, proactive planner with everything in my life mapped out. The best route down the mountain if you will. But in March of 2017 when we learned of Chasen's cancer diagnosis my map went up in smoke, and I was lost in so many ways.

I found myself struggling with the loss of "control" I thought I had over my life. The realization that I could not effectively produce my five year plan, let alone my six month plan - even if I made the best decision every time - screamed defeat. Instead of working towards our six month goals, I was wondering what the next 24 hours would bring for our family most days. Living in such a concealed world was so foreign and lonely. I found myself praying for some consistency and certainty in my life. I often found it in the love and strength of my family, friends, teammates, and community members. We were so blessed to have an amazing support system to help us navigate through such a challenging time in our lives, guides for our mountain climb.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not see the fruits of the challenges or decisions until weeks, months, or even years after we climbed down that mountain. It's pretty amazing to stand at the top of my mountain today and look at what I have gone through in the past nine months, heck even 3 weeks! I could have never predicted myself to be in this moment. As I continue to adjust to this new lifestyle - being ready for the unknown instead of "knowing" what's next - I find myself thinking "what's the rush, I got time to figure this out". In type A fashion, it totally freaks me out not knowing what my life will truly look like 6 months from now. But at the same time it is a little exciting. I am learning to trust in the plan that God has for me, instead of focusing on the plan I have for myself. I am learning to embrace the unknown.

Over the course of the last three years, I have had to learn how to adapt to what happens to me. As humans it is our nature to maintain a constant. Just look at any child and how they innocently react when their schedule is thrown off for the day. When we feel safe and comfortable life is good. We are content. What need is there to step out of our bubble, it is our happy place. But sometimes we are forced out of our bubble by things beyond our control, and when an opportunity comes up likely the choice to participate pushes us out of that bubble. How do we adapt, how do we react?

Being open and ready for change is not something that happens over night. BELIEVE ME. It is a change in mindset, a change in expectations, a choice in how we handle what happens to us. Now hear me out, I am no self-proclaimed expert, but I know I am more adaptable than I was a year ago and certainly five years ago. I am learning slowly, that sometimes it's not the destination, but it is the journey that makes life worth living. I don't think I will ever leave my type A ship, but I may spend a little time riding outside of the wake.

God has provided us with freewill, hope, joy, sadness and pain, in an effort to perfect us here on this earth. It is all about how we adapt to those curses, blessings, or change that make us who we are. And if we have an opportunity to help someone else down their mountain, we are really doing the work of His hands.

If you ever find yourself at the top of a mountain, make sure to stake your claim too. Enjoy the breathtaking view God provides and the wonderful blessing freewill offers to us. A chance to choose freely. Then when you get back down to sea level, or find yourself on another mountain all you have to do is have faith you can do it again.