The best we can

Last Friday night I sat in the Dyer Hudson Hall kitchen trying to feed Nolan some unappetizing itty bitty chicken noodle dinner prepared by Gerber. I have heard baby food has come a long way since I was born, but I honestly don't even know if Rex would have ate what was in that cup. After coming to this realization, I folded and resorted to a bottle. You see, right now we are at that transition from baby to little boy. There are thousands of books, blogs, and resources that talk about making this transition seamless. Try one new food a week, offer cereals first, don't feed egg whites, etc. No way is perfect, but I believe as parents we all do the best we can.

As I was sitting in the kitchen, I could feel the space get smaller as the crowd at our Seeds of Hope benefit grew bigger. As I held our baby boy I tried to process why we were even here in the first place... Is my husband really sick? Are these people all here because of us? Did I just see someone from my high school? Is this really happening?!

Even though it was going to be tough, I knew I needed to do a better job embracing the love and hope that was gathering for our family. So I put the bottle down, got up and walked out. I greeted, I hugged, I cried, I laughed, and I repeated. By no means did I get to everyone that came, but I tried my best.

Friday was truly one of the most remarkable nights of my life. We were so overwhelmed by the number of people that gathered at Dyer Hudson; some say it was over 1,000. All I know is that we were over fire code. Simply put, if we could capture the love, kindness, and hope in that wood paneled hall, there is no doubt we could change the world.

We go through life meeting folks through work, school, leadership roles, and the occasional night out. We try our best to be kind, be humble, be honest, and to be a good person when meeting people. Never did we expect those acquaintances to give back to us in such a way. With humility and God's grace we are embracing all the feels from Friday night.

Even yet, there are no words, no emotions, or no hugs big enough to thank our friends, our family and our community. But I am going to try my best.

To those that traveled hours to be with us, I want you to know every mile was worth it. Thank you to everyone that donated auction items. Your generosity brought joy and excitement to the room. Those that bid on the auction items, whether successful or not, thank you for your financial support. To the volunteers and organizers, we are eternally grateful for your support now and always. Finally, thank you to our close friends and family, your unconditional love is inspiring.

You all did the best you could last Friday evening, and we are forever grateful. Encouraging us to keep pushing and searching for answers, supporting our family through the auction, keeping our family in your prayers, and most importantly offering hope. Thank you sincerely from the bottom of our oh so full hearts.

The game of life

I originally started this blog back while in graduate school as an effort to share my story. That's where the farmers gal originated from. Experiences on the farm, trial and error in the lab, or new beef recipes shared with family, friends, and anyone willing to learn something new or have a good chuckle. A lot of things have changed in my life in the past five years. My bound thesis along with my diploma now sits on the shelf collecting dust. The engagement ring that adorned my finger now carries a wedding band every day. And our family of 2.5-yes Roxie is included-has now grown to 3.5 with the birth of our son Nolan this past August. It is hard to fathom that five years have gone by since my last post.

They say that pictures are worth a thousand words, but what about capturing your thoughts, doubts, fears, hopes, and dreams through writing. I could kick myself for not keeping up with the past-time of blogging. Looking back, I missed out on sharing the joys, laughter, and memories of the last half decade...a half decade?!?! (I still can't believe it). But as we know life doesn’t slow down, life shows no pity or remorse, and offers no redos. In the words of Tracy Lawrence, time marches on.

At this time of my life I am not even sure writing will help portray the thousands of thoughts fleeting through my brain, but I am going to try my best. It's been a little over a month since we learned Chasen was diagnosed with kidney cancer. Remember those 15 consecutive days of cloud cover in March?? Ya that's when we found out, talk about a sign from above. Those were definitely some dark days, but we know the sun will shine again. Since that time we have started Chasen's treatment plan but we continue to search for answers and hope for healing.

Cancer was a card we were certainly not prepared for at this time of our lives, the joker in the deck. But knowing that God holds the cards, we pray. We ask for strength, we ask for courage, we ask for patience, and we ask for humility. We give thanks for the days we are able to spend with each other and for the love and support from family, friends, and strangers. We ask for forgiveness. We ask for Gods mercy.

I have prayed for many things in my life - to pass an exam, get a new job offer, even to avoid a speeding ticket. Looking back some of my prayer requests were quite petty, and I know I am going to have to go all in on this one.

Tomorrow our friends, family, and community will rally to support Chasen and our fight against cancer. We pray that God will be with everyone as they travel and that we can lift up Chasen, sewing seeds of hope. We are far from folding, but realize it will be a rough road ahead. The way I see it, it will be just another chapter of our story.