The Gifts of Christmas

The Christmas season is filled with sights, sounds, smells, and full of memories. I have learned over the years that the meaning of Christmas has changed for me, in an organic sort of way. Christmas as a child was filled with wonder-Santa, elves, reindeer, and the manger scene. We would spend Christmas Eve at mass listening to the children’s choir sing tidings of joy, to rush home and find that Santa had arrived. We would spend the evening playing with toys and enjoying sweet treats. Christmas day was spent traveling to the Hosch and Knepper Christmases. We would bring our new toys to “show and tell”, but not share because we didn’t want them to be broken. More presents would be opened and additional sweet treats consumed. At that time of my life Christmas was understood as a season of “receiving”.

Over the course of the next few years I remember drawing names at various family events and using my hard-earned cash to buy gifts that no one really needed. It was fun buying gifts for family members and a thrill to participate in the next Secret Santa. But over time, the allure of the holiday craze began to fade. Was “gifting” all there was to Christmas? Sure, I went to church and celebrated the birth of Jesus, but the commercialization of Christmas was making me egg-nogged. Little did I know; the Christmas of 2015 would change everything for me.

The first year we were married we hosted a friends and family Christmas party at our home. We welcomed friends to our home to feast and enjoy a few libations. This tradition continued through the years and grew in attendance. I remember our 2015 Christmas party very well. An hour before our guests would show up Chasen began mixing drinks, “practicing” as he called it. Before I ordered my moscow mule, I decided I better take a pregnancy test, just to be sure. To my delight and utter surprise it showed a positive result. I took another. Same result. I ran the test to Chasen and we shared a brief moment of joy, then came up with a plan B for my drink for the evening. After our guests had gone home and the reality of our little blessing set in, we looked at Christmas in a new light. This Christmas we celebrated the gift of true “joy”.

Our first Christmas as a family of three was special. We smiled as Nolan looked at our Christmas tree with wonder. We spent lots of time in the car traveling to Christmases where he was spoiled with clothes, presents, and love.  I remember rocking Nolan to bed one-night listening to Christmas music-my favorite. When “Mary did you know” came on, I listened intently to the lyrics and burst into tears. Do you think she really knew? Was she aware at the point in time, filled with joy and happiness, the path that God laid out for her precious babe? I tried to put myself in Mary’s shoes. Holding this sweet boy of ours as he breathed in and out, I thought about his future. Yes I loved him, but I don’t think I could come close to the love Mary had for the son of God. To carry a child for nine months, birth him in a stable, and watch him die on the cross to save the lives of others. The Christmas of 2016 showed me the precious gift of “love”.

Shortly after that Christmas Chasen began to not feel like himself-continued weight loss, intensified back pain, and loss of appetite. Appointment after appointment, test after test, our fear and worry continued to grow. In March we learned that these were the side effects of Chasen’s cancer. Our world was shattered. How would we get through this dark period of time? Endure this pain? And that is when all of you came into play. With a remarkable Seeds of Hope benefit that April, we were filled with courage, love, and hope. Throughout that year we traveled to chemo appointments, endured a few surgeries and recoveries, and traveled out of the country to receive treatment. Time flew. As Christmas 2017 approached we felt that giving material gifts would bring little joy and meaning to our family. So instead we gave to the cancer families spending the Christmas season at the Ronald McDonald House and Hope Lodge of Iowa City. We were so blessed to sleep in the comfort of our homes during Chasen’ treatments and could not fathom being away from our family and farm. This Christmas I learned the true meaning of “giving”.

So where does that leave me for this Christmas season? The last few days Chasen was home with us, I spent time decorating the home to look and hopefully feel like a "normal" Christmas for us. Lights, glitter, and smells aside, it was not normal. As I put up the tree , the lights, and the glitter, I thought about when I would have to put everything away. I know now I will have to do it all alone, boxing up all decorations and finding a home for all the new toys. I realize our home on Christmas morning will feel very different. No doubt will there sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. But I hope I can find joy in the promise of the resurrection-the feat Jesus completed when he was born some 2000 years ago in a stable. The feat Chasen completed a few weeks ago-suffering, enduring, and rising from the dead. I have always "celebrated" the birth of Jesus during Christmas, but this year I can confidently say I am truly grateful for the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ and his resurrection, the gift of "promise".

Sometimes we don't always understand the plans the Lord has for us, and the path he has laid out for us can be difficult to travel. Thankfully we don't have to go it alone. With strength, courage, and love and support from others, we can face anything. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

A Season of Thanksgiving

Even in times of distress we have things to be thankful for.

Another holiday season is upon us. In the words of Luke Bryan “days go slow, but years go fast”. We have had our share of long days in the office, in the hospital, and in the field doing what we love this past year; but as we prepare for Thanksgiving with our boisterous two year old I can’t fathom where the time has gone.  

Have we had frustrations, trying times, and down right depressing moments this last year. You bet. But we also have so much to be grateful for: successful recoveries from Chasen's surgeries, a rock solid company that stands behind their employees, abundant support from family and friends, and loving memories from the past year to name a few

In everything I do, people ask me how Chasen is getting along. During one conversation with a customer, we began to talk about the outpouring of love and support at the Seeds of Hope benefit this last year.

“I came to the benefit because I wanted to support your family. You know Justine, that is what is wrong with the world. We have got away from people helping people through churches or mission work, and instead they have turned to the government and we are funding handouts through taxes.”

In my current and past job roles, I have heard many a complaint about paying taxes, but this was a new spin on a typical conversation and it got me thinking. The Lord did not put on us on this planet to wear the newest pair of Tony Llamas, or drive the newest King Ranch pickup, or buy 200 acres of ground every year. We were put on this earth solely to serve one another and to glorify God.

But humility is a funny thing. It can prevent us from asking for help, or even accepting help when offered. Why did God create the human with these two instinctive natures? How can we break this cycle? We have to actively look for opportunities and pray for acceptance.

This has been one of the biggest challenges for Chasen and I. We are such independent people that forge our own path, that asking for directions or help with a refuel is tough. But down this road we learned that we can't-nor do we have to- do everything alone.

When we are hit with hard news or face another uphill battle, those that seem to wear those boots, drive that truck, and buy that farm ground with no struggle or strife creep into my mind. And the “life’s not fair” wagon tries to pick me up and whisk me away. Where are their challenges? What pain do they experience? How is this fair? And although these thoughts are natural, because we are human, they can be so damaging to dwell on. 

For those that are in my shoes, do not be discouraged by the appearance of life of others. There will be those that struggle through life with disease, addiction, and financial insecurity. Rest assured "the others" will be the individuals that serve us and during our times of need. They will help carry our crosses.

For all of those who picked up our cross this past year, we cannot say it enough, thank you! Whether you helped out on the farm, wrote kind words to our family, delivered a hot meal, or kept us in your daily prayers, we are forever grateful. Are we going through a trying time in our young lives? Without a doubt. But have we had opportunities to be grateful, blessed, and thankful for the love and support of others? Absolutely.  

As Thanksgiving comes and goes and we prepare for the Christmas season I would ask for you to take an opportunity to serve others, whatever that may be. And those that are on the other side of the coin, allow others to serve you.